Working Hard? Or Hardly Working? HAHAHAHA

I have a nasty habit of doing half the work I'm capable of and convincing myself there is absolutely NOTHING ELSE I COULD BE DOING! I'll catch myself doing this when I should write and I decide a joke is "close enough" and I'll mess with it on stage (reasonable for a first draft), or when I need to start emailing bookers and shows and doing the tedious work of comedy. I find ways to not do that work by telling myself those dates too far out, who knows what is going to happen between now and then, yada yada. 

I am a lazy person. If I don't care about the project or it doesn't effect me, I will take years to do things like clean a stove. I just don't care. Comedy has kept my attention for 6 years though. Writing at home, writing at coffee shops, going to mics, recording, listening, rewrites, etc. I realize 6 years isn't as long as as some and is much further than others but for me, 6 years is the longest commitment I have ever had to anything. I am not afraid of the work that has to go into comedy but as I said before, I tend to convince myself I'm working very hard when deep down I know I am not.

I want to do stand up comedy professionally more than I want anything in the world so I'm always confused whenever my brain convinces me not to do work. I'm more confused that I listen to it and don't put my foot down and put up a fight. I think this is part of a symptom of treating comedy as a job instead of a career. If I'm working as hard as everyone else I'm pulling my weight in the job that is Amateur Comedy but like any job, if I wanna move up and have a career, I gotta put in way more work than everyone else. I routinely forget that this industry doesn't simply reward you for biding your time and waiting for your chance to do something. You have to go out and earn it and prove your worth and you can only do that if you're going above and beyond in every single way all the time everyday. 

I'm not sure what I'm getting at with this post. I think I'm writing it for me as a way to call me on being kind of lazy this last week. I got back from a 9 day run of shows I set up and used that as an excuse to "take a vacation" from comedy and writing which is fucking dumb because again, it's what I want more than anything. The trip was fantastic and I would leave today to do it again yet I act like I've had it rough out there doing exactly what I wanted to do. I guess the thing is at a certain point comedy isn't the fun, weird thing you're doing anymore and you hit a crossroad. Is this a hobby or a job? I'm choosing job and with that my brain is treating it like work but in a negative way where I need breaks and time to regroup. I didn't realize I was doing this to myself until today because I wondered why I don't feel driven to be creative every single day. It's apparently because I've earned a break from doing my favorite thing. I'm an idiot. 

I'm going to work on writing everyday even if it's only a few pages and I'm going to try to get to mics more regularly to grow new ideas and build them up because it's what I want to do and it's what I have to do if this is going to be the life that I want it to be. I worked at a music store for 2 years in 2008/9 and I did as little as possible the whole time and I got a paycheck every two weeks.

Comedy doesn't work like that. If you work hard you are rewarded with shows, better material, a positive reputation and the satisfaction that you are doing work that you care about. If you don't put in the work then nothing will happen and that's way worse than failing, right?